maybe I am.

well, I am. sitting on bar stools, talking to strangers, drinking another glass when the last was enough. thinking I see you at the end of the bar, seeing you in my dreams. squinting an eye. locking keys in cars. blinking and half winking. waking up alone or next to someone I don't care to know. bullies and little guys. dark chocolate stars, white hot moons. writing that poem you thought was for you. writing this for you. touching my forehead, feeling the crust inside my nose. Driving my car. Laughing with my grandma, crying each day to make it complete. pushing a button, pushing buttons. Try and remember the past. memories, imagination.

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I can't drink that much caffeine without wanting a cigarette
I can't hear that (those) tune(s) without swallowing a throat-lump
I can't pass a twisted tree without thinking of that wandering fall afternoon
I can't think of you without wanting that day of heaven's clouds to be everyday
I can't smile without hoping--maybe you'll be its reason someday