November 15, 2011

"on the train to Vienna, feeling sentimental again. Feeling like I can't write--that maybe I don't care. that I don't think & speak in absolutes--maybe this, possibly that. But I have written about boldness already. I do feel emboldened & I hope it sticks when I get home. There is frost on the shrubbery & bare tree branches. It looks like the trees have lost most of the their leaves here. AUSTRIA. Log factory. Remember the girl that helped me on the street at the bus stop in Berlin? When I think about all the places, faces, buildings, countrysides going by, money exchanges, hellos, it's really overwhelming. It's why it feels like it's been so much longer than 2 months. I want to lock my love somewhere, a big Q in a heart. I feel unattractive currently--I don't have a traveler's glow, it's the traveler's dun I've got. Scabs I keep picking, pale face, pink nose. My glasses are consuming my face & they won't stay up. I like to ride on the train, I'm sad when the ride is over. To travel in the fall feels magnificent."

in a dream last night

at a table we were both standing in front of, you were telling me something like-- you couldn't say what you wanted because you had the 'falling in love feeling'. Your elbows moved down, to rest on the table, head in hands. I think you were looking up at me. I laughed & didn't understand. but then I brought my own head down--forehead on the table top, forearms around. you said, 'see!?' I laughed nervous & sighed into the table. we looked at each other--can I kiss you? you asked. Our heads came close, but our lips missed. Your stubbly cheek touched my right cheek. I wrapped my arms around your neck, fingers at nape. Then my forehead came to your shoulder, we stood, your arms wrapped more confidently around me. We laughed.