pocket

I remember how you
held that glass of water
in your right hand
unfolding a bill from
the collection of cards & bits
folded & clipped, then
 stuck into a back pocket

a favorite feeling is that
the crispy dollar bill 
fold-&-shove
into a back pocket feel

for w

we all have a depth

puddle or pool

we all have a depth

sitting or swimming

we all have a depth

pennies tossed or lines sunk

we all have a depth

warm light, cool dim

seen or shadowed

neither best

we all have a depth.

maybe I am.

well, I am. sitting on bar stools, talking to strangers, drinking another glass when the last was enough. thinking I see you at the end of the bar, seeing you in my dreams. squinting an eye. locking keys in cars. blinking and half winking. waking up alone or next to someone I don't care to know. bullies and little guys. dark chocolate stars, white hot moons. writing that poem you thought was for you. writing this for you. touching my forehead, feeling the crust inside my nose. Driving my car. Laughing with my grandma, crying each day to make it complete. pushing a button, pushing buttons. Try and remember the past. memories, imagination.

untitled a

I can't drink that much caffeine without wanting a cigarette
I can't hear that (those) tune(s) without swallowing a throat-lump
I can't pass a twisted tree without thinking of that wandering fall afternoon
I can't think of you without wanting that day of heaven's clouds to be everyday
I can't smile without hoping--maybe you'll be its reason someday

for g

it's nice to think about you.
to see you. 
to get you laughing.

to remember feelings.
to think on days past & passing.
to impress you, to grin. 
to be sad & glad to remember. 

November 15, 2011

"on the train to Vienna, feeling sentimental again. Feeling like I can't write--that maybe I don't care. that I don't think & speak in absolutes--maybe this, possibly that. But I have written about boldness already. I do feel emboldened & I hope it sticks when I get home. There is frost on the shrubbery & bare tree branches. It looks like the trees have lost most of the their leaves here. AUSTRIA. Log factory. Remember the girl that helped me on the street at the bus stop in Berlin? When I think about all the places, faces, buildings, countrysides going by, money exchanges, hellos, it's really overwhelming. It's why it feels like it's been so much longer than 2 months. I want to lock my love somewhere, a big Q in a heart. I feel unattractive currently--I don't have a traveler's glow, it's the traveler's dun I've got. Scabs I keep picking, pale face, pink nose. My glasses are consuming my face & they won't stay up. I like to ride on the train, I'm sad when the ride is over. To travel in the fall feels magnificent."

in a dream last night

at a table we were both standing in front of, you were telling me something like-- you couldn't say what you wanted because you had the 'falling in love feeling'. Your elbows moved down, to rest on the table, head in hands. I think you were looking up at me. I laughed & didn't understand. but then I brought my own head down--forehead on the table top, forearms around. you said, 'see!?' I laughed nervous & sighed into the table. we looked at each other--can I kiss you? you asked. Our heads came close, but our lips missed. Your stubbly cheek touched my right cheek. I wrapped my arms around your neck, fingers at nape. Then my forehead came to your shoulder, we stood, your arms wrapped more confidently around me. We laughed.